Monday, 31 December 2007

Serving Molly

When I was Mistress Molly's slave, I often used to submit to her via chat: not least because she spends part of the year in Australia.

This is the transcript of one session in November 2006:

Mistress Molly: are you on your knees?

thursday: i am sitting
i will get naked and kneel for you

M: you need to tell me what you are doing
and make sure it is things i would want
i want you on your knees
in front of your Mistress

t: i am kneeling on the floor by the bed
the light is low
and my head is bowed

M: i want you in the lowest of B Thursday

t: i place hands on either side of Your feet
with your head on the floor
kissing my boots
and lower my head to the floor
keeping my buttocks in the air
skin stretched taught
back curving down
as i press my lips to the black leather of your boot
kissing Your foot with my eyes closed

M: i smack my crop down on you

t: i run my tongue along the soft leather on the instep

M: Thursday

t: i gasp involuntarily

M: i want to hurt you tonight

t: yes, Mistress
i understand, Mistress
thank You

M: you have made me quite upset

t: i am sorry, Mistress
i did not mean to

M: you deserve to be down on the floor

t but i know i deserve punishment

M: obviously

t: for my behaviour in Amsterdam
i tremble slightly
anticipating the bitter lash

M: so tell me the story

t: but i cannot prevent an erection

M: i am the one who deserves to come Thursday

t: which story, Mistress?

M: the story that will make me come tonight
about what happens now with you bringing your punishment book to me

t: my Mistress will take pleasure tonight in seeing her slave
bound tightly in front of her
the softest and most vulnerable parts of his body
exposed to her cane and crop

M: i am not her
i am me

t: yes, Mistress
forgive me

M: i have been waiting for You
and prepared the implements You asked for
crawl to me with your Book of Errors and beg for forgiveness
the St Andrew's Cross, the cuffs for wrists and ankles
the blindfold and the gag
i have laid them on the table with the canes, the crop
and the flogger
i am not doing the typing tonight Thursday

t: on my hands and knees i crawl to your throne
and lay my collar on Your knees
You twist my hair between Your fingers
put your own collar on
pulling my head back sharply to look sternly into my eyes
i fasten the collar around my neck

M: thats better

t: i surrender to Your will, slipping into subspace
Mistress, please forgive me for my errors

M: I doubt I will

t: please discipline me severely, i know i need to be trained
i broke Your rules and must be corrected
i will fetch the Punishment Book, Mistress, with Your permission
i crawl to the desk and unlock the drawer where the black leather Punishment Book is kept
slowly, i crawl back to Your throne and kneel timidly at Your feet
i lay the Book open on the floor by your feet
and assume the penitent's position, E, to read to You
'on September 28th, i argued with You in public
and was rude to Your friends
later the same evening, i did not come when you called
because i was sulking
for these offences i know i must be severely punished
i do not deserve to have You as my Mistress
and i offer you my suffering as a token of my devotion
i abase myself at your feet, Mistress
i fetch the thin, whippy cane in my mouth and lay it at your feet
You ask me to repeat the date of my offence
it was the 28th, Mistress
You tell me that i will receive 28 strokes of the cane and tell me to kneel
with my bottom in the air and my face on the floor
but only after you have tied the blindfold firmly around my eyes
You tell me that You had considered gagging me
but You prefer to hear my cries and that You want me to be able to beg for mercy
pleas that You intend to ignore
You want me to understand the difference between an erotic spanking and
You intend to teach me a lesson that i will not forget
You tell me to put reach behind me so that my hands are close to my ankles
You clip the cuffs on my wrists to the leather bracelets on my ankles
my bottom is raised and exposed
my cheek is pressed hard against the floor
i start to tremble and feel myself beginning to sweat
i cannot see, there is no light
i hear the clack of your heels behind me as you stand
i can feel a shiver as goose bumps rise on my skin
but it's not because i'm cold
i flinch as i feel the unmistakeable caress of the cane trailed gently across
my buttocks
i try to relax, breathing deeply, preparing to accept the pain
i know that if i am tense, the pain will be greater
now i feel the cane motionless across my bottom for a moment
then it is gone and i hear its sinister hiss through the air before
i cannot help crying out at the sudden cutting pain of the first blow
i jerk against my restraints, squeezing my eyes tightly
i try to process the pain
i seek the safety of subspace
i hear Your soft voice
'What do you say, thursday?"
Thank You, Mistress
'Count for me, thursday"
One, Mistress
too slow, thursday
We'll have to start again
i force myself to relax my hands

Friday, 21 December 2007

Molly and thursday

I became Molly's slave in Amsterdam a few months after I'd met her in Canada.

She'd known nothing about BDSM when we met but she did her research very thoroughly when she went home. She bought the Topping Book, the Bottoming Book, SM101, the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage and anything else she could lay her hands on. When she came to London on her way to a conference in Amsterdam we went to Fettered Pleasures on Holloway Road where I bought her a crop. Without my knowing, she went to visit Mistress Tytania for some training in how to be a Mistress.

Molly sent the following account of what then happened to her mentor:

I am on the plane on my way home now. I’ve been meaning to write to you and answer your question about how it all went - but had no time. I want to say thankyou for teaching me lots of things, it really helped me - I had an amazing time with my slave on our time away.

My slave arrived in town the Tuesday evening and on the Wednesday morning I had to attend a work meeting I was a little nervous about. So, I was imagining maybe having a low key evening with him before my meeting in the morning. Also, on the Tuesday evening he had to go to a work dinner and so did I so the idea was that we would have no plan for play Tuesday evening, but we had arranged that at 3pm Wednesday we would meet at the hotel to do our first BDSM scene. When I say hotel, it was more of an apartment, we called it ‘our house’ it was so big! Because we both had work meetings Wednesday morning, we thought we would meet at “our house” at 3pm and take it from there.

Before we went away on our Rendezvous, I had seen him (the day after I spent the afternoon in your playroom) and we had gone shopping for things that we might like to have for time away. So by the time we were in ‘our house’ I had some clothes, a flogger, a riding crop, a collar for him and other things. Was so much fun, the shopping!

So, he got back to ‘our house’ on the Tuesday night and, unexpectedly, instead of waiting for the Wednesday time, we went straight into some BDSM stuff right then. I told him to undress and kneel at my bedside and I put a collar on him - we both trembled, it was a lot more intense than I expected it to be, putting on the collar.

As he knelt in front of me, I told him that I was Mistress Molly, but he was to call me Mistress M and I would call him "thursday" because some time ago I asked him to email me fantasies on Thursdays and he never did, so being called thursday would remind him.

It all just came out, I didn’t expect it to, in fact I was worried I wouldnt think of anything to say. I told him he was my only slave and I was his only mistress and all this sort of thing. Having spent the afternoon with you and your slave strange-ways was so helpful for me to be able to do it - even though I know you and strange-ways would not have such a commitment, but it was good to see you interacting.

As I told you before, we had already done "lists" on email about what we would and wouldn’t do in BDSM activites but i told him that night he had to kneel by my bed and write the list of activities he wanted, didn’t want, and might want. and write it in alphabetical order. while I kept checking it and getting him to get me things and do other things for me etc

So that was the beginning, he was in town visiting me for 2 days.. and we did 4 sessions of Mistress M and thursday in those 2 days -

It was all a very intense and an incredible experience. Hard to explain, but I know you wanted me to let you know how we went and I will certainly will try to explain below.

I can’t believe that I could do it really. And actually we were both so good at it together. He is very natural at being the submissive, I did panic underneath quite often as the Domme, sometimes feeling not sure what to do, and also I found it hard to go fully into Domme headspace and be very commanding. But I think I did manage to do that in two of our 4 sessions, you know – to totally get in that headspace and when I managed that, I was very good at it, it felt natural and exciting. I knew then that I could really love it.

What an intense, erotic and emotionally-deep thing to do. After each scene we were so spaced out, floating – slave thursday compared the after-floating feeling to that feeling you get after you do an intense yoga class. Only this time it is a high that goes on and on for much longer. It reminded me lots of the work I have done in tantric workshops and learning erotic breathing with Barbara Carrellas from NYC and I used lots of those breathing techniques in our scenes.

The afternoon spent in your tutorial gave me the confidence to do it all, to keep going despite the moments of doubt.I was very surprised at how much I LOVED doing it all. We went very slowly at first, and slowly I found the Mistress M personality. She was even sometimes quite funny I thought! (although thursday did not see the funny side).As I said, the first session was late on Tuesday night - being the first session, we went very slowly, kept it very simple and gentle, (kneeling in front of the mistress, collar and things).

Then 2nd session early next morning (Wednesday) when we woke up (about 6am) which was very good as well, again simple things (a bit of rope tying up wrists, kissing feet and things, I was good on the rope stuff and I remembered lots of the things you showed me) that session was very very strong even though simple…we did lots of face sitting in restraint situation. So good!

Then the main session (it was meant to be the first but in the end, it was the third) that we had "booked in" with each other at 3pm which was after we had both finished our work meetings - that main session went for about 5 hours, and was incredible. I got back from my meeting and got dressed in Mistress M clothes. I looked very good! He came back from his meeting and didn’t expect me to be Mistress M straight away, but I opened the door as MM, he gave me flowers and I told him to undress and go down on his knees. I put the collar on him, and we went from there.

Mistress M did quite funny things... In that main session, Mistress was setting tasks for thursday to do, demanding that he memorise certain positions by codes of A, B , C , D etc (mainly because I was quite nervous and couldnt think what on earth to do, and how to be the top, so I just starting training him in positions and demanding that he remember them.) I had done reading that told me I should have planned a scene, but I just had not planned it, I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, so it was very good that all this started coming out on the spot as we developed into it..

We did hot wax and that was one of the highlights for me… tied him up in a body harness and restrained his arms to his body laid him on a bed and dripped wax on him, on his nipples etc removing the wax with violent scratching. All while sitting on his face as Mistress M likes it. Afterwards we went for dinner as our selves (our non D/s roles) and we were laughing at the complexity of all the things for thursday to do.

Thursday, 20 December 2007


Miss T called yesterday morning to dump me.

It was a short call. She said she was having a bad time.

"Physically or emotionally?", I asked.

"Emotionally. I'm pretty messed up, actually. I can't go on seeing you if you're going to go out with other people".

I told her that I understood. We said goodbye.

I've known her for just over two weeks; we met through an online dating site when I was having an excruciatingly painful week in New York with Molly. Somehow we'd contrived to have a funny and erotic correspondence about punctuation and I knew before I met her that we'd get on well. She gave me enough information to work out who she was and I found out about her: she has a reputation as a designer in the fashion industry. We arranged a date a couple of days after my return to London.

This was the first time I'd met anyone through a web dating service but I was pretty certain that what was happening between us wasn't usual. Within a couple of hours of meeting in a pub in Spitalfields we were kissing quite passionately. She has full, firm and immensely kissable lips; I loved the taste and feel of the Chanel lip gloss that she uses. But if the kiss in the pub seemed quick, the chocolate kiss on our walk to the next pub was indecent, erotic, extraordinary. I found a bar of Green and Blacks in my coat pocket, offered her a piece and gave it to her from my lips.

We didn't sleep together the first night. We both wanted to but I was living with my ex and it would have been a bit much to stay out over night. Two nights later we dated again, ate oysters, went back to hers and fucked: it was almost perfect. Miss T is in her mid forties and while her face may give her age away, her body could almost be that of a 30 year old. It helps that she has not had children. Her skin was soft, warm, supple to the touch and her cunt was quite beautiful, a perfect fit for my cock.

Over the following two weeks our affair was intense and very passionate. We made each other laugh, talked effortlessly and made love with intensity and humour. She came easily and frequently, making sure to tell me every time it happened. She told me that she had fallen in love with me.

And that was the problem. I've made a conscious decision to embark on a journey of exploration and expansion in search of some kind of personal and psychological growth and healing. I've never been very good at monogamy; I was frequently unfaithful in a relationship which lasted 30 years. There are many reasons I do not want to have an exclusive contract with one sexual partner at the moment and I am no longer prepared to lie.

I made it clear to MissT from our first meeting that did not want a monogamous partnership at this stage in my life. It became too painful for her to think that I might sleep with others. Hence yesterday's phone call.

I'll miss her.

Wednesday, 19 December 2007


I wrote this a couple of weeks ago.

Today has to be a new beginning for me.

I've just got back from a week in New York which started as the worst of times and became the best of times. I have managed to break an attachment to a lover that was causing me all the pain and humiliation of asynchronous love.

I had been Molly's lover since the summer of 2005. I met her at a conference in Canada where we had one of those encounters that often take place at those sort of residential meetings far from home where much alcohol (and sometimes other substances) gets consumed. She is Australian, direct, funny and, I thought at the time, amazingly honest about sexuality and relationships. While I liked her, I had no intention of 'falling in love' and thought that we were just enjoying a two-night stand.

She was one of the very few women that I'd felt I could talk to about my sexuality in a completely frank way, so I did. I thought of myself in those days as a frustrated submissive who had never found the right woman. Molly, though very interested in sex and sexuality had never really thought about or understood bdsm or fetish. She'd taken a workshop with Barbara Carrellas, New York's famous tantric sex teacher but this was new to her.

She became obsessed by me, fascinated with D/s and determined to find out more. On her return to Australia she bought books, talked to friends and undertook research with a determination which I now recognise as being entirely characteristic.

I will publish her account of our first real encounter as Mistress and slave in a couple of days.